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Martha Stewart and I have different ideas

By BARB LUMLEY Columnist Published: June 10, 2017 5:00 AM

Once again the mailman has brought me a copy of Martha Stewart Weddings magazine. Every so often I receive a copy of this big, thick magazine advertising everything to plan a wedding and I have no idea why I keep receiving it. It contains 240 pages. I certainly have no plans to get married again. My husband, Don, and I had several years together before he passed away. There are no new prospects in the picture and even if there was, I wouldn't want Martha Stewart planning my wedding.

I am just a plain and simple country girl -- raised to work hard and handle money carefully. This magazine is filled with extremely high-priced items to purchase for weddings. There are wedding dresses listed as costing thousands of dollars, as well as dresses designed by Oleg Cassini, Vera Wang and others with no prices listed that probably cost more than I could mortgage the farm for. I might carefully consider buying a really good registered Holstein cow for the prices listed, but I would never spend that kind of money for a dress that would be worn one day and then never worn again. If I consider buying the cow, she better have a darn good pedigree behind her!

There are pictures of very high-priced, fancy, super high-heeled shoes to go along with the dresses. Having had both knees replaced, there is no way I would attempt to walk in a pair of those shoes. These days it had better be a pair of New Balance, Reebok Nike or some other brand of sport shoes, or a pair of low-heeled shoes with good solid non-slip soles. However, I might be interested in investing in a really nice pair of cowboy boots that could be worn anywhere -- a cow show, an Ohio Holstein sale or meeting, to a barn to look at that cow I might buy, to lunch or even under a wedding dress. So much more useful than those high-priced spiked heels.

And, of course, there are lots of ads for the attire to be worn by the wedding party. There are ads for flowers, cake tops, jewelry, suggested hairdos and even special ice for the drinks. There are numerous items advertised from many well-known stores and the bride and groom are invited to register there. There are even ads for the perfect glasses to use when toasting the bride and groom. What is that popular song by Toby Keith -- "Red solo cup I fill you up, let's have a party, let's have a party." Not nearly so expensive! Instead of a fancy reception, what about a pig roast or beef roast with lots of good country food, music by a good country band (if you choose to have it) and visiting and enjoying the time together with family and friends? Maybe it could be held on a barn floor with lots of straw bales to sit on or by a nice bonfire for everyone to sit around and enjoy as they ponder the future.

Where to go on the honeymoon? The magazine advertises several options and getaways -- "the stuff of honeymoon dreams" -- and the prices vary. What about the National Holstein Convention? It's coming up soon -- the All-American at Harrisburg or World Dairy Expo and there will be a great sale at each one. Oh and by the way, in case the bride needs to lose some weight before the wedding, Slimfast has a full-page ad on one of the last pages in the magazine. The gal who is in the picture and lost the weight prepared it with fat-free milk. (She also exercised regularly and followed a reduced calorie diet.)

I just don't think Martha Stewart and I could ever work together on planning a wedding. A wedding is supposed to be about two people who love and care deeply about each other, respect each other and want to have a life and a family together. Their joy is enhanced by the love and support of their family and friends. The wedding should never be about a fancy wedding dress, the clothing everyone wears or the cost of the affair. If those are the most important things in the wedding, the cow and the cowboy boots will probably last longer than the marriage.


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